You Don’t Need a Spa Day: 13 Self-Care Secrets That Actually Fit Into Parenting Life
From rucking to tapping
I’ve been tweaking my morning routine and seeing a therapist on and off for 10 years.
But there’s a LOT I don’t know and haven’t tried when it comes to self-care.
That’s why I asked hundreds of parents from around the world — including a physician, therapist, and mom of 11 (yes, 11 kids!) — about their best self-care tips for busy parents.
From the UK and Australia to Madison, WI and Georgetown, TX, I uncovered hacks for parents to get peace of mind, “me time,” exercise, sleep, joy, and anything else that feels like champagne on a Thursday morning.
Here are 13 things they said:
1. Start with a Hoodie Walk
“My best parenting self-care tip is starting the day without my phone and with a walk. And no, not like a power walk or some “hot girl” fitness thing — I mean a barely-functioning shuffle down the street in yesterday’s hoodie,” says Lindsey Schiferl, business analyst and writer who runs Moming Ain’t Easy.
“It doesn’t matter how short the walk is. The point is to be in my own head before the world (kids, work, internet strangers) starts yelling at me. I come back feeling like, “Okay, I did one thing for myself today.”
Lindsey Schiferl, Business Analyst and Writer, Mom to two from Cincinnati, Ohio
2. Add in Tiny Joys
Zoe Richardson, photographer, creative director, and writer of dirtjoy believes in peppering pockets of joy into each day.
“Wear the fun shoes to daycare drop-off. Have a bowl of chocolate chips while you work. Drink kombucha out of the wine glasses,” says Richardson.
“And give yourself permission to sacrifice more traditional self-care (like an extra hour of sleep or a workout) to spend time with a meaningful personal or professional project, if that’s what life requires for a while.”
3. Build a Parent Community
“Seek out like-minded moms and find creative ways to connect with them: play dates, walks/workouts/fitness classes, book groups, mom dance parties (these actually exist!) — whatever can reasonably fit into your schedule,” says Rachel G, an organizational effectiveness and communications consultant in Denver.
I love Rachel’s advice because I find my best self-care is often coffee with a girlfriend while our kids run off and play.
Her other tip? “Hire a joint babysitter, and have a game night or date night.”
4. Put the Kids in Charge of a Smoother Morning
Erin Miller, writer and parenting coach, says preparation the night before was a game-changer for her family.
“Have them make their own lunches the night before as part of the evening routine. Not only does it teach kids responsibility and ownership, but it also cuts down on complaints about what’s packed and saves tons of time in the morning.”
She says, “My almost-growns still talk about making their lunches as a gateway to autonomy.”
5. Go Rucking
I’ve been following Istiaq Mian’s career since he wrote one of my favorite Modern Love essays for The New York Times. He’s also a hospitalist and dad of two.
“Sometimes I'll be short on time to exercise during my work weeks, and I've started rucking,” Mian says.
What’s rucking? I wondered.
“I'll put a 15 lb weight in my backpack and walk with that on my back so it feels like moderate exercise,” whether he’s walking the kids to school or doing a post-dinner loop.
Istiaq Mian, Hospitalist, Writer at The Substaq of Istiaq, Dad of two out of Madison, WI
6. Turn Your House Into a Jungle Gym
Ok, this one’s a little wild, but let’s hear Dr. Bradbury out.
“We’ve modified our small two-bedroom house in lots of ways that mean that movement is inescapable. Monkey bars in the lounge. No chairs. We have a rope instead of stairs in our house,” says Guen Bradbury, a veterinary surgeon and health innovator in the UK who runs Growing up WEIRD.
“There is nothing better in the morning than swinging downstairs. It’s made living so much more joyful.”
Guen Bradbury, Veterinary Surgeon and Health Innovator, Mom of three in the UK
7. Lock in an Early Bedtime
“We go to bed religiously by 9 p.m. Sunday to Thursday,” says Ana Harrison, writer and mother of three from Australia. “If necessary, I leave the mess, the dishes, or the laundry for the next morning. I’d much rather wake up early than stay up too late.”
Why?
“Melatonin, the sleep hormone, starts working as soon as the sun goes down, your body is preparing to rest. And in the morning, it naturally starts preparing to wake up. When you follow nature’s rhythm, respect your body, and listen to its cues, you truly feel the difference.”
Ana Harrison, Writer at The Daily Wonder, Mom of three in Australia
8. Wake Up Before the Kids (Ok, this one’s not-so-glamorous, but it’s a game-changer)
Jenna Michael, speaker, parenting coach, and author of Let’s Choose Less, swears by waking up before her kids — meaning she gets up between 5 a.m. and 6 a.m. every day.
“That quiet time lets me enjoy a cup of coffee in a cozy spot with a good book in hand. I love the stillness of the early morning and the sense of accomplishment that comes from doing something just for myself before the day begins.”
I’ll add a caveat: if your kids aren’t sleeping through the night yet, this might not be the phase of life for early wake-ups.
Jenna Michael, Author of Let’s Choose Less, Speaker, and Parenting Coach, Mom of four in North Carolina, who runs Purposeful Parenting
9. Listen to Your Own Energy
“Pay attention to when you naturally feel energized or drained—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually,” says Allison Steinke, a health coach, holistic nutritionist, and mom to 11 kids.
How? “Keep a simple log for 3 days, noting your sleep, food, hydration, activities, mood, and energy levels. Look for patterns to help you plan your day around your strongest times and the rest you actually need.”
“Matching your schedule to your real energy flow can make life feel a whole lot easier.”
10. Try Tapping
Gently tapping on specific points on the body is a mind-body therapy that can help regulate your nervous system.
“I try to get in one 3 to 5 minute tapping session every single day,” says Lauren Finney Harden, freelance writer and mom of two. “I like to do it to set the tone for the day, or to calm my anxiety about something specific.”
It’s free, too. Harden uses The Tapping Solution, a free meditation on an app.
“It really does regulate my nervous system and set me up for success mentally and give me peace.”
Lauren Finney Harden, Freelance Writer, Mom of two in Atlanta, Georgia
11. Do Tension Checks
“I often do self-checks to see if there's any tension in my face,” says Stacey Hongsyvilay-Thayer, a software engineer. “For no reason at all, my eyebrows are furrowing or my jaw is tight. Once I fix this tightness in my face, I already feel lighter.”
She says she often releases the tension in other parts of her body, too, like her shoulders and chest.
Stacey Hongsyvilay-Thayer, Software Engineer, Mom of one in Grand Rapids, MI
12. Carve Out Boundaries for Your Priorities
“I try to honor my boundaries, because I know that deprioritizing what I need is actually a greater disservice to my son’s well-being,” says Mirella Stoyanova, Seattle-based writer and therapist.
“I get on the spin bike four days a week, no questions asked, while my husband is with our child,” Stoyanova says. And on the days she has her son completely to herself, “I use the childcare services included in my membership at the YMCA to lift weights, read, or write without the guilt of needing to be on at all times.”
Mirella Stoyanova, Writer and Therapist, Mom of one in Seattle
13. Skip All the Advice
“My self-care tip kind of goes against your article,” says Alexandra Lashner, a senior account executive in Bensalem, PA.
Of course, that made me want her tip even more.
“It’s not always about following everyone’s advice,” Lashner says. “Sure, as parents we’re all in the same boat, but some of us might be floating in a canoe, others in a paddleboat, others in a yacht.”
“Every family situation is different. You have to go with what your gut is telling you rather than what a friend said.”
And you know what, I couldn’t agree more.
I hope you take what works for you, and leave the rest.
I wrote the note below earlier this week (and it struck a chord — it’s been viewed over 6,000 times already):
And I still hope you get a spa day… because you definitely deserve it.
with love,
Jenna
Please press the ♥️ or share this post with a friend. Every bit of support helps this publication continue — and reach more parents like you.
Thank you to everyone who sent their tips and shared their secrets!
P.S. If you have a favorite self-care hack, please leave a comment! I’m down to try just about anything as a mom of four under seven. 🫠
A little about me: I’m Jenna Jonaitis, a freelance writer and journalist with work in The New York Times, The Washington Post, HuffPost, Business Insider, and more. Thanks for reading Mamawell, a weekly newsletter to fill your cup, so you can pour into your family.
Guen, can you please do an article with a full
House tour??
So much practical and possible wisdom here. Thanks for pulling all of this together! Grateful to be included. 🧡